








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
623 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 190 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 47 | 25% |
| Smokes | 45 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 49 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 49 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $15,919 of utility $11 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | qbiz | 63% | 40 |
| #2 | Stephen Gawking | 54% | 41 |
| #3 | Memphis Mud | 51% | 57 |
| #4 | moopie | 29% | 7 |
| #5 | aloespruce | 14% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | qbiz | 63% | 40 |
| #2 | Stephen Gawking | 54% | 41 |
| #3 | Memphis Mud | 51% | 57 |
| #4 | moopie | 29% | 7 |
| #5 | aloespruce | 14% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Memphis Mud | 28 | 0.0246 |
| #2 | qbiz | 25 | 0.0322 |
| #3 | Stephen Gawking | 17 | 0.0210 |
| #4 | moopie | 8 | 0.0563 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | qbiz | 105 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #2 | moopie | 54 | 0.38 | 1 min |
| #3 | Stephen Gawking | 29 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #4 | Memphis Mud | 26 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #5 | aloespruce | 3 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | aloespruce | +4.94 | 70 | 49 |
| #2 | Memphis Mud | +1.53 | 56 | 22 |
| #3 | Stephen Gawking | +1.47 | 51 | 13 |
| #4 | qbiz | +0.25 | 52 | 29 |
| #5 | S!MPLE | -1.68 | 81 | 10 |





