








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 133 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 265 matches | ||
| Faceit | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 22 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




198 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3660 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,112 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 613 | 8% |
| Smokes | 2371 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2787 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 2341 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $872,417 of utility $98 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 593 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | S!MPLE | 51% | 57 |
| #2 | Stephen Gawking | 50% | 165 |
| #3 | qbiz | 49% | 315 |
| #4 | aloespruce | 44% | 72 |
| #5 | moopie | 42% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | S!MPLE | 51% | 57 |
| #2 | Stephen Gawking | 50% | 165 |
| #3 | qbiz | 49% | 315 |
| #4 | aloespruce | 44% | 72 |
| #5 | moopie | 42% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | qbiz | 137 | 0.0217 |
| #2 | Stephen Gawking | 79 | 0.0240 |
| #3 | moopie | 30 | 0.0318 |
| #4 | S!MPLE | 7 | 0.0062 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | qbiz | 606 | 0.10 | 12 min |
| #2 | moopie | 355 | 0.38 | 6 min |
| #3 | Stephen Gawking | 156 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | aloespruce | 52 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | S!MPLE | 22 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | aloespruce | +3.32 | 78 | 47 |
| #2 | Memphis Mud | +1.73 | 61 | 26 |
| #3 | Stephen Gawking | +0.69 | 54 | 19 |
| #4 | qbiz | -0.58 | 48 | 37 |
| #5 | S!MPLE | -0.83 | 79 | 5 |





