








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 49 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 106 matches | ||
| Wingman | 62 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




91 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1963 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,302 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 633 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1078 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 860 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 731 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $176,823 of utility $35 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 163 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | S!MPLE | 54% | 41 |
| #2 | qbiz | 51% | 135 |
| #3 | Memphis Mud | 50% | 165 |
| #4 | aloespruce | 47% | 17 |
| #5 | moopie | 35% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | S!MPLE | 54% | 41 |
| #2 | qbiz | 51% | 135 |
| #3 | Memphis Mud | 50% | 165 |
| #4 | aloespruce | 47% | 17 |
| #5 | moopie | 35% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Memphis Mud | 95 | 0.0293 |
| #2 | qbiz | 75 | 0.0280 |
| #3 | moopie | 18 | 0.0389 |
| #4 | S!MPLE | 5 | 0.0061 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | qbiz | 275 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #2 | moopie | 145 | 0.31 | 3 min |
| #3 | Memphis Mud | 57 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #4 | S!MPLE | 14 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #5 | aloespruce | 7 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | aloespruce | +4.67 | 77 | 48 |
| #2 | Memphis Mud | +2.03 | 59 | 25 |
| #3 | Stephen Gawking | +1.41 | 53 | 22 |
| #4 | S!MPLE | +0.73 | 85 | 5 |
| #5 | qbiz | +0.34 | 52 | 31 |





