








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 13 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
494 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,856 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 958 | 52% |
| Smokes | 249 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 484 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 165 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $165,688 of utility $114 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blur | 71% | 7 |
| #2 | supermarket | 59% | 17 |
| #3 | Sepp | 56% | 57 |
| #4 | Carl XVI Gustaf | 47% | 17 |
| #5 | rapsak | 45% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | supermarket | 59% | 17 |
| #3 | Sepp | 56% | 57 |
| #4 | Carl XVI Gustaf | 47% | 17 |
| #5 | rapsak | 45% | 11 |
| #6 | Topzzz | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sepp | 20 | 0.0172 |
| #2 | Carl XVI Gustaf | 8 | 0.0248 |
| #3 | supermarket | 2 | 0.0055 |
| #4 | Blur | 2 | 0.0174 |
| #5 | rapsak | 1 | 0.0047 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sepp | 97 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #2 | supermarket | 52 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #3 | rapsak | 30 | 0.14 | 0 min |
| #4 | Carl XVI Gustaf | 20 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #5 | Topzzz | 8 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blur | +7.03 | 42 | 52 |
| #2 | supermarket | +1.04 | 32 | 65 |
| #3 | rapsak | +1.02 | 29 | 41 |
| #4 | Topzzz | +0.91 | 34 | 42 |
| #5 | Carl XVI Gustaf | +0.11 | 45 | 25 |





