








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1242 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 560 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 126 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




73 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6465 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 34,593 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 12579 | 36% |
| Smokes | 7635 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 8296 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 6083 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,293,344 of utility $149 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1029 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bot Vollbock | 57% | 46 |
| #2 | DanteInferno | 51% | 65 |
| #3 | Reaper.720 | 50% | 56 |
| #4 | HANDSOME-HARRIE | 49% | 78 |
| #5 | csMommy | 48% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | pillepaudi | 46% | 56 |
| #7 | ☜Der Joshi☞ | 46% | 121 |
| #8 | MBW 米查 S-Call | 46% | 39 |
| #9 | Kessi ❄♛ | 44% | 57 |
| #10 | xlFezZ | 42% | 89 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xlFezZ | 22 | 0.0119 |
| #2 | ☜Der Joshi☞ | 11 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | pillepaudi | 11 | 0.0094 |
| #4 | Kessi ❄♛ | 7 | 0.0057 |
| #5 | MBW 米查 S-Call | 6 | 0.0074 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☜Der Joshi☞ | 279 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| #2 | xlFezZ | 230 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #3 | Kessi ❄♛ | 196 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #4 | pillepaudi | 136 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | Bot Vollbock | 122 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bot Vollbock | +1.28 | 34 | 58 |
| #2 | Kessi ❄♛ | +1.22 | 44 | 70 |
| #3 | ☜Der Joshi☞ | +0.52 | 30 | 44 |
| #4 | pillepaudi | +0.30 | 58 | 60 |
| #5 | Chicken Box | +0.06 | 32 | 73 |





