








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 123 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 215 matches | ||
| Premier | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3070 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,329 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2513 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2401 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1780 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 2635 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $555,772 of utility $104 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 48 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FictioN | 58% | 24 |
| #2 | Moho | 54% | 13 |
| #3 | eazy | 53% | 161 |
| #4 | dr darqnus | 53% | 90 |
| #5 | Cardinal | 52% | 105 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dr darqnus | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | eazy | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #3 | Cardinal | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | philly | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #5 | FictioN | 1 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eazy | 686 | 0.19 | 16 min |
| #2 | philly | 364 | 0.14 | 10 min |
| #3 | dr darqnus | 270 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #4 | Cardinal | 250 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #5 | FictioN | 110 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | schizomoid | +2.79 | 73 | 65 |
| #2 | FictioN | +1.87 | 86 | 81 |
| #3 | philly | -0.18 | 79 | 65 |
| #4 | dr darqnus | -0.20 | 59 | 45 |
| #5 | eazy | -0.45 | 68 | 60 |





