








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 475 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 351 matches | ||
| Premier | 168 matches | ||
| Wingman | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




34 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6625 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,183 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7512 | 39% |
| Smokes | 4527 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 3234 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 3910 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,316,362 of utility $164 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 128 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ASAPKILLER | 55% | 40 |
| #2 | cedsed | 55% | 62 |
| #3 | schizomoid | 53% | 161 |
| #4 | wake up the sleepy samurai | 52% | 180 |
| #5 | dr darqnus | 48% | 239 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dr darqnus | 34 | 0.0066 |
| #2 | wake up the sleepy samurai | 21 | 0.0057 |
| #3 | philly | 20 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | saint | 16 | 0.0250 |
| #5 | ASAPKILLER | 13 | 0.0175 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | philly | 805 | 0.15 | 21 min |
| #2 | dr darqnus | 795 | 0.16 | 14 min |
| #3 | wake up the sleepy samurai | 621 | 0.17 | 17 min |
| #4 | schizomoid | 576 | 0.16 | 15 min |
| #5 | Cardinal | 436 | 0.11 | 11 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cedsed | +3.09 | 79 | 64 |
| #2 | schizomoid | +2.42 | 74 | 66 |
| #3 | wake up the sleepy samurai | +1.93 | 74 | 59 |
| #4 | FictioN | +1.03 | 81 | 77 |
| #5 | saint | +0.84 | 59 | 23 |





