








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1423 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 167 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4476 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,315 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1223 | 15% |
| Smokes | 1855 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 2710 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 2527 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,985,795 of utility $256 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 636 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | el hurensohn | 67% | 139 |
| #2 | sibylle | 67% | 51 |
| #3 | J1n | 66% | 44 |
| #4 | Kerim | 65% | 40 |
| #5 | nuke sweden | 63% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yup | 26 | 0.0190 |
| #2 | nuke sweden | 25 | 0.0274 |
| #3 | el hurensohn | 21 | 0.0078 |
| #4 | Miguel Jose Jesus Gonzales Smith | 15 | 0.0065 |
| #5 | sibylle | 7 | 0.0079 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Miguel Jose Jesus Gonzales Smith | 301 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #2 | el hurensohn | 213 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #3 | nuke sweden | 169 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #4 | yup | 84 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | DEMACIA!!!!!!! | 79 | 0.11 | 2 min |





