








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 455 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 476 matches | ||
| Faceit | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




40 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4632 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,645 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6779 | 36% |
| Smokes | 4612 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 4218 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3036 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $762,350 of utility $63 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 426 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jose arcadio morales | 57% | 77 |
| #2 | cygan | 57% | 30 |
| #3 | mlody sarmata | 51% | 107 |
| #4 | machu_pichu | 51% | 87 |
| #5 | K!sio | 50% | 217 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kurośmiornica | 16 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | K!sio | 15 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | Andrzej Kostka | 10 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | machu_pichu | 10 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | marcinek_zlb | 6 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kurośmiornica | 463 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #2 | K!sio | 437 | 0.09 | 12 min |
| #3 | marcinek_zlb | 336 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #4 | machu_pichu | 245 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #5 | mlody sarmata | 238 | 0.10 | 6 min |





