








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1175 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 260 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 136 matches | ||
| Wingman | 104 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 81 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 29 matches | ||
| Faceit | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




70 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7910 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,742 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4673 | 25% |
| Smokes | 4030 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 4374 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 5665 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,417,919 of utility $81 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 979 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kiwi | 78% | 175 |
| #2 | joy simp | 75% | 139 |
| #3 | The Constipated | 73% | 48 |
| #4 | hoodrych | 71% | 149 |
| #5 | tej | 70% | 91 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fflew | 26 | 0.0129 |
| #2 | Pat | 23 | 0.0072 |
| #3 | joy simp | 17 | 0.0061 |
| #4 | Vantage | 15 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | tej | 13 | 0.0075 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | joy simp | 961 | 0.34 | 23 min |
| #2 | hoodrych | 876 | 0.29 | 24 min |
| #3 | Pat | 647 | 0.20 | 13 min |
| #4 | Bloo | 587 | 0.40 | 17 min |
| #5 | Adept | 563 | 0.21 | 14 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KiruLo | +6.23 | 95 | 56 |
| #2 | hoodrych | +3.19 | 93 | 70 |
| #3 | RHY | +2.71 | 82 | 45 |
| #4 | tej | +2.61 | 80 | 66 |
| #5 | joy simp | +2.55 | 93 | 62 |





