








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 270 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
547 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 939 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 269 | 29% |
| Smokes | 129 | 14% |
| HE Grenades | 402 | 43% |
| Molotovs | 139 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $178,867 of utility $71 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 52 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MikuOnakan | 45% | 67 |
| #2 | Oddity | 43% | 115 |
| #3 | choking hazard | 36% | 14 |
| #4 | Yetskii | 35% | 60 |
| #5 | ❤ 𝓹𝓼𝓴𝓮𝓽𝓲 ❤ | 23% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Oddity | 43% | 115 |
| #3 | choking hazard | 36% | 14 |
| #4 | Yetskii | 35% | 60 |
| #5 | ❤ 𝓹𝓼𝓴𝓮𝓽𝓲 ❤ | 23% | 22 |
| #6 | LazySmurf Live! | 20% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MikuOnakan | 30 | 0.0235 |
| #2 | Oddity | 18 | 0.0081 |
| #3 | Yetskii | 3 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oddity | 234 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #2 | Yetskii | 77 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | MikuOnakan | 57 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | ❤ 𝓹𝓼𝓴𝓮𝓽𝓲 ❤ | 45 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | choking hazard | 41 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oddity | +4.52 | 59 | 51 |
| #2 | choking hazard | +2.74 | 48 | 61 |
| #3 | Yetskii | +1.91 | 46 | 52 |
| #4 | MikuOnakan | -1.47 | 12 | 28 |
| #5 | MootyBuncher | -5.03 | 15 | 23 |





