










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 576 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 288 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 72 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3521 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,335 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3057 | 19% |
| Smokes | 4457 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 4465 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 4356 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,086,536 of utility $100 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 609 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | choking hazard | 44% | 124 |
| #5 | MikuOnakan | 36% | 75 |
| #6 | MootyBuncher | 35% | 60 |
| #7 | LazySmurf Live! | 24% | 79 |
| #8 | ❤ 𝓹𝓼𝓴𝓮𝓽𝓲 ❤ | 24% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oddity | 25 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | MikuOnakan | 23 | 0.0160 |
| #3 | Cyrodii | 11 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | choking hazard | 9 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | LazySmurf Live! | 5 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oddity | 693 | 0.08 | 15 min |
| #2 | choking hazard | 453 | 0.17 | 10 min |
| #3 | LazySmurf Live! | 195 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #4 | Cyrodii | 174 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #5 | MikuOnakan | 102 | 0.07 | 2 min |





