








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 334 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 141 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1975 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,020 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1947 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1150 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 2347 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 1576 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $891,221 of utility $205 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 542 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | AcidResh | 55% | 109 |
| #6 | PetPetOtter | 54% | 41 |
| #7 | Remo | 50% | 110 |
| #8 | Savitar | 44% | 43 |
| #9 | Diq Of The Asian (DOTA) | 38% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PetPetOtter | 190 | 0.23 | 5 min |
| #2 | Diq Of The Asian (DOTA) | 113 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #3 | Remo | 102 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #4 | banditic - yuanh | 94 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #5 | Savitar | 74 | 0.08 | 2 min |





