








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 544 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September

The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 561 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3424 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,583 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2414 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2520 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 4094 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 1555 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,617,492 of utility $186 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 253 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Diq Of The Asian (DOTA) | 44% | 151 |
| #8 | TrumP-anti.woke-45.47 | 41% | 275 |
| #9 | [M]oron | 37% | 51 |
| #10 | Savitar | 35% | 95 |
| #11 | a b y s s a l | 33% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PetPetOtter | 780 | 0.31 | 24 min |
| #2 | Diq Of The Asian (DOTA) | 489 | 0.15 | 12 min |
| #3 | banditic - yuanh | 393 | 0.17 | 10 min |
| #4 | CarryPotter | 328 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #5 | Savitar | 238 | 0.12 | 5 min |





