








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 674 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 681 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 60 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6553 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,706 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6477 | 25% |
| Smokes | 5991 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 7300 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 5938 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $627,577 of utility $39 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1228 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Remo | 44% | 151 |
| #10 | Heist 上海斗战胜佛 Otter | 44% | 88 |
| #11 | AcidResh | 44% | 262 |
| #12 | $mOOthCriMin@l | 44% | 110 |
| #13 | banditic - yuanh | 43% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AcidResh | 4 | 0.0007 |
| #2 | a b y s s a l | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | [M]oron | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | TrumP-anti.woke-45.47 | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | $mOOthCriMin@l | 2 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PetPetOtter | 561 | 0.30 | 16 min |
| #2 | a b y s s a l | 420 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #3 | Savitar | 334 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #4 | Heist 上海斗战胜佛 Otter | 301 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #5 | banditic - yuanh | 202 | 0.16 | 5 min |





