








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1005 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 649 matches | ||
| Faceit | 21 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 97 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




82 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7875 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,637 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5964 | 25% |
| Smokes | 6199 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 5713 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 5761 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,596,948 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 276 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JohnnieCokein | 64% | 44 |
| #2 | Core 愛 | 57% | 46 |
| #3 | erchuchescocaine | 54% | 48 |
| #4 | PraTwo | 50% | 56 |
| #5 | ALCOHOLIC MONKEY | 49% | 103 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Core 愛 | 57% | 46 |
| #3 | erchuchescocaine | 54% | 48 |
| #4 | PraTwo | 50% | 56 |
| #5 | ALCOHOLIC MONKEY | 49% | 103 |
| #6 | Player | 42% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ALCOHOLIC MONKEY | 15 | 0.0072 |
| #2 | erchuchescocaine | 14 | 0.0139 |
| #3 | Player | 8 | 0.0079 |
| #4 | PraTwo | 5 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | JohnnieCokein | 5 | 0.0054 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ALCOHOLIC MONKEY | 499 | 0.24 | 8 min |
| #2 | erchuchescocaine | 205 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #3 | JohnnieCokein | 203 | 0.22 | 4 min |
| #4 | Core 愛 | 178 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #5 | Player | 169 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JohnnieCokein | +3.39 | 74 | 62 |
| #2 | Core 愛 | +1.23 | 85 | 75 |
| #3 | Doffy!! | +1.23 | 77 | 57 |
| #4 | PraTwo | -0.52 | 87 | 66 |
| #5 | erchuchescocaine | -1.48 | 76 | 59 |





