








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 150 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 210 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




75 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2711 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,976 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3742 | 29% |
| Smokes | 3144 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2852 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3238 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,067,417 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 381 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Jett™ | 45% | 44 |
| #6 | Popayoe23cm | 43% | 74 |
| #7 | ALCOHOLIC MONKEY | 42% | 19 |
| #8 | Player | 42% | 100 |
| #9 | Fentanyl enjoyer | 39% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Player | 16 | 0.0076 |
| #2 | Popayoe23cm | 10 | 0.0064 |
| #3 | JohnnieCokein | 10 | 0.0090 |
| #4 | Doffy!! | 8 | 0.0078 |
| #5 | Jett™ | 7 | 0.0080 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Player | 463 | 0.22 | 11 min |
| #2 | JohnnieCokein | 257 | 0.23 | 5 min |
| #3 | Jett™ | 198 | 0.23 | 5 min |
| #4 | Popayoe23cm | 188 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #5 | Doffy!! | 120 | 0.12 | 3 min |





