










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 188 matches | ||
| Wingman | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 39 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




65 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2961 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,097 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1402 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1732 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1536 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1427 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,333,554 of utility $198 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1936 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Entoloma | 72% | 18 |
| #2 | Lucian | 66% | 38 |
| #3 | jewbacca.gov | 56% | 25 |
| #4 | wEt.gov | 55% | 31 |
| #5 | sethington.gov | 47% | 99 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | jewbacca.gov | 56% | 25 |
| #4 | wEt.gov | 55% | 31 |
| #5 | sethington.gov | 47% | 99 |
| #6 | Comrade Gus | 46% | 87 |
| #7 | jas | 43% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sethington.gov | 17 | 0.0083 |
| #2 | Comrade Gus | 7 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | jewbacca.gov | 4 | 0.0084 |
| #4 | wEt.gov | 2 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | Lucian | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sethington.gov | 350 | 0.17 | 9 min |
| #2 | Comrade Gus | 75 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #3 | jewbacca.gov | 69 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #4 | wEt.gov | 59 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | Lucian | 56 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sethington.gov | +3.34 | 61 | 65 |
| #2 | jewbacca.gov | +1.90 | 58 | 68 |
| #3 | jas | +0.68 | 78 | 53 |
| #4 | Lucian | +0.59 | 65 | 48 |
| #5 | tyycho.gov | +0.52 | 79 | 46 |





