








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 87 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
812 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,858 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1234 | 43% |
| Smokes | 434 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 761 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 429 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $57,362 of utility $42 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 216 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Einz | 53% | 15 |
| #9 | Petri | 52% | 27 |
| #10 | Kannaa | 50% | 6 |
| #11 | jaskacaseopening.com | 46% | 13 |
| #12 | Eiska | 38% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Petri | 8 | 0.0162 |
| #2 | jaskacaseopening.com | 7 | 0.0314 |
| #3 | Suomalain Temyz | 5 | 0.0085 |
| #4 | Lady Domina | 2 | 0.0071 |
| #5 | Einz | 2 | 0.0074 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Petri | 65 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #2 | Suomalain Temyz | 41 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | jaskacaseopening.com | 38 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #4 | Eiska | 34 | 0.24 | 1 min |
| #5 | Saku | 20 | 0.26 | 0 min |





