








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 119 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 130 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1911 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,564 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1120 | 20% |
| Smokes | 1948 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 1165 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1331 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $419,349 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 124 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jizz Lightyear | 53% | 116 |
| #2 | Beastly LuKeY | 52% | 63 |
| #3 | Commander in Keef | 52% | 157 |
| #4 | Richard Petty | 51% | 156 |
| #5 | Big Slav | 48% | 64 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jizz Lightyear | 53% | 116 |
| #2 | Beastly LuKeY | 52% | 63 |
| #3 | Commander in Keef | 52% | 157 |
| #4 | Richard Petty | 51% | 156 |
| #5 | Big Slav | 48% | 64 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Commander in Keef | 58 | 0.0173 |
| #2 | Jizz Lightyear | 22 | 0.0089 |
| #3 | Richard Petty | 19 | 0.0057 |
| #4 | Big Slav | 9 | 0.0066 |
| #5 | Beastly LuKeY | 4 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Richard Petty | 517 | 0.16 | 9 min |
| #2 | Jizz Lightyear | 144 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #3 | Commander in Keef | 74 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #4 | Beastly LuKeY | 40 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Big Slav | 32 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shr1nto | +5.36 | 86 | 60 |
| #2 | Commander in Keef | +0.29 | 40 | 29 |
| #3 | Big Slav | +0.27 | 62 | 31 |
| #4 | Jizz Lightyear | -1.05 | 50 | 39 |
| #5 | Richard Petty | -1.82 | 68 | 48 |





