








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 54 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 142 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1289 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,167 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2047 | 40% |
| Smokes | 1623 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 443 | 9% |
| Molotovs | 1054 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $406,403 of utility $103 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 21 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shr1nto | 51% | 156 |
| #2 | Jizz Lightyear | 48% | 125 |
| #3 | Commander in Keef | 47% | 174 |
| #4 | Beastly LuKeY | 46% | 72 |
| #5 | Big Slav | 44% | 70 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Jizz Lightyear | 48% | 125 |
| #3 | Commander in Keef | 47% | 174 |
| #4 | Beastly LuKeY | 46% | 72 |
| #5 | Big Slav | 44% | 70 |
| #6 | half-smoked black n mild | 36% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Commander in Keef | 64 | 0.0170 |
| #2 | Jizz Lightyear | 24 | 0.0089 |
| #3 | Big Slav | 11 | 0.0073 |
| #4 | Beastly LuKeY | 5 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | Shr1nto | 4 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shr1nto | 216 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #2 | Jizz Lightyear | 165 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #3 | Commander in Keef | 83 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| #4 | Beastly LuKeY | 48 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Big Slav | 35 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shr1nto | +5.50 | 87 | 61 |
| #2 | Commander in Keef | +0.32 | 39 | 29 |
| #3 | Big Slav | +0.17 | 62 | 32 |
| #4 | Jizz Lightyear | -1.06 | 48 | 40 |
| #5 | Richard Petty | -1.64 | 69 | 49 |





