








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 26 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 40 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
658 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 870 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 162 | 19% |
| Smokes | 227 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 292 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 189 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $163,041 of utility $95 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shr1nto | 48% | 64 |
| #2 | Commander in Keef | 45% | 67 |
| #3 | Richard Petty | 44% | 70 |
| #4 | Beastly LuKeY | 41% | 17 |
| #5 | Jizz Lightyear | 40% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shr1nto | 48% | 64 |
| #2 | Commander in Keef | 45% | 67 |
| #3 | Richard Petty | 44% | 70 |
| #4 | Beastly LuKeY | 41% | 17 |
| #5 | Jizz Lightyear | 40% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Commander in Keef | 23 | 0.0163 |
| #2 | Jizz Lightyear | 10 | 0.0111 |
| #3 | Richard Petty | 7 | 0.0048 |
| #4 | Shr1nto | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Beastly LuKeY | 2 | 0.0058 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Richard Petty | 224 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #2 | Shr1nto | 92 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | Jizz Lightyear | 50 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | Commander in Keef | 30 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #5 | Beastly LuKeY | 7 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shr1nto | +5.24 | 86 | 61 |
| #2 | Commander in Keef | +0.07 | 39 | 31 |
| #3 | Big Slav | -0.03 | 63 | 35 |
| #4 | Jizz Lightyear | -1.36 | 48 | 37 |
| #5 | Richard Petty | -1.95 | 71 | 49 |





