








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
489 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,180 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 224 | 19% |
| Smokes | 279 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 392 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 285 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $152,738 of utility $114 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | TheSilverSpoon | 50% | 12 |
| #6 | Fart Master | 49% | 49 |
| #7 | Clownd | 40% | 5 |
| #8 | @WIGGER | 40% | 5 |
| #9 | Pro Bowler Duke | 17% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SnowWinky | 5 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | JoJo Siwa | 2 | 0.0049 |
| #3 | Pro Bowler Duke | 2 | 0.0152 |
| #4 | Fart Master | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | TheSilverSpoon | 1 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SnowWinky | 225 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #2 | JoJo Siwa | 39 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #3 | Fart Master | 37 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | Harm1E | 33 | 0.22 | 1 min |
| #5 | Pro Bowler Duke | 22 | 0.17 | 1 min |





