










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 280 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 174 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Premier | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1460 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,820 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 361 | 13% |
| Smokes | 564 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 927 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 968 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,066,686 of utility $201 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1246 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Local Waffle House Crackhead | 62% | 29 |
| #2 | ♥ KOAKUMA ♥ | 45% | 29 |
| #3 | me sippin off dat mudd | 39% | 49 |
| #4 | stromboli | 39% | 31 |
| #5 | TheBossMan_14 | 36% | 114 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheBossMan_14 | 17 | 0.0081 |
| #2 | stromboli | 14 | 0.0229 |
| #3 | ken | 9 | 0.0115 |
| #4 | ♥ KOAKUMA ♥ | 9 | 0.0170 |
| #5 | ☢Flankton☢ | 7 | 0.0083 |





