








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1899 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 1212 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




250 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7876 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,958 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3383 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1383 | 9% |
| HE Grenades | 1624 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 8568 | 57% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,144,042 of utility $164 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 13790 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ken | 75 | 0.0087 |
| #2 | stromboli | 63 | 0.0154 |
| #3 | ☢Flankton☢ | 57 | 0.0165 |
| #4 | me sippin off dat mudd | 42 | 0.0089 |
| #5 | ♥ KOAKUMA ♥ | 31 | 0.0103 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | stromboli | 407 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #2 | ☢Flankton☢ | 298 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #3 | me sippin off dat mudd | 278 | 0.06 | 8 min |
| #4 | Local Waffle House Crackhead | 186 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #5 | buhn | 132 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Local Waffle House Crackhead | +5.56 | 73 | 38 |
| #2 | stromboli | +2.39 | 21 | 54 |
| #3 | ken | +2.37 | 57 | 9 |
| #4 | GhettoHeadphones™ | +0.46 | 14 | 18 |
| #5 | buhn | -0.02 | 26 | 39 |





