








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1051 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,328 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 545 | 23% |
| Smokes | 399 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 881 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 503 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $245,771 of utility $109 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Florence | 60% | 10 |
| #2 | Jordan | 58% | 26 |
| #3 | Sappi Plays Games | 50% | 40 |
| #4 | PhantomZA™ | 33% | 15 |
| #5 | ✞𝔯.𝔦.𝔭✞ | 30% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Sappi Plays Games | 50% | 40 |
| #4 | PhantomZA™ | 33% | 15 |
| #5 | ✞𝔯.𝔦.𝔭✞ | 30% | 10 |
| #6 | Döhmpii | 18% | 11 |
| #7 | 𝓕𝓻☮𝓼𝓽𝔂 | 13% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sappi Plays Games | 4 | 0.0052 |
| #2 | Jordan | 3 | 0.0055 |
| #3 | Florence | 1 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | ✞𝔯.𝔦.𝔭✞ | 1 | 0.0055 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sappi Plays Games | 219 | 0.28 | 5 min |
| #2 | Jordan | 35 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #3 | Florence | 32 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #4 | Döhmpii | 8 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #5 | ✞𝔯.𝔦.𝔭✞ | 6 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Florence | +2.01 | 40 | 49 |
| #2 | Jordan | +1.58 | 70 | 20 |
| #3 | Sappi Plays Games | -0.25 | 33 | 64 |
| #4 | Döhmpii | -0.37 | 60 | 32 |
| #5 | Lizzard | -0.79 | 41 | 50 |





