








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 271 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Train | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Premier | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1540 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,126 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1773 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1895 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1134 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1324 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $457,345 of utility $116 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 82 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hamburglar | 61% | 23 |
| #2 | reaBs | 54% | 26 |
| #3 | Rajesh Koothrappali | 50% | 10 |
| #4 | Dough Boy | 47% | 90 |
| #5 | 𐰢 Ned Sandlers 𐰢 | 46% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | BradPitt | 39% | 18 |
| #9 | Worldeater | 31% | 51 |
| #10 | Email-Worm.Win32.MeltingScreen | 31% | 16 |
| #11 | The Piscinthropus Submarinus | 26% | 35 |
| #12 | ghstrydr | 23% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Worldeater | 172 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #2 | Dough Boy | 148 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #3 | REEK | 124 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #4 | 𐰢 Ned Sandlers 𐰢 | 96 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | ghstrydr | 75 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | REEK | +2.32 | 71 | 55 |
| #2 | Rajesh Koothrappali | +1.68 | 62 | 64 |
| #3 | BradPitt | +0.68 | 69 | 54 |
| #4 | Dough Boy | +0.53 | 56 | 39 |
| #5 | 𐰢 Ned Sandlers 𐰢 | +0.36 | 56 | 47 |





