










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 202 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3090 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,347 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4552 | 40% |
| Smokes | 2850 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1584 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 2361 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $283,299 of utility $54 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 96 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Brodobagins | 69% | 32 |
| #2 | Mr.Ed | 67% | 43 |
| #3 | 𝔍𝔞𝔪𝔟𝔬 | 65% | 55 |
| #4 | Melik | 64% | 14 |
| #5 | IXPotterXI ™ | 64% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Brodobagins | 7 | 0.0106 |
| #2 | Ed0 | 4 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | IXPotterXI ™ | 4 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | Mr.Ed | 3 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | Penguinflops | 2 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | IXPotterXI ™ | 272 | 0.22 | 7 min |
| #2 | 𝔍𝔞𝔪𝔟𝔬 | 201 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #3 | Ed0 | 155 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #4 | Chuck's Cuck | 137 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #5 | Brodobagins | 96 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Penguinflops | +2.49 | 82 | 52 |
| #2 | José Coolio | +2.44 | 70 | 73 |
| #3 | Ed0 | +2.39 | 75 | 63 |
| #4 | Melik | +1.98 | 60 | 33 |
| #5 | Mr.Ed | +1.86 | 81 | 64 |





