








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 4 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Italy | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
361 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 513 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 100 | 19% |
| Smokes | 157 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 171 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 85 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $18,966 of utility $18 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Foxy | 67% | 3 |
| #2 | Feels Good Man | 50% | 4 |
| #3 | silo | 49% | 47 |
| #4 | Laxborre | 44% | 39 |
| #5 | George T. Reginald Waldridge | 42% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Laxborre | 44% | 39 |
| #5 | George T. Reginald Waldridge | 42% | 24 |
| #6 | Drexer | 33% | 24 |
| #7 | DJ Jazzman | 22% | 9 |
| #8 | LVTDGB m/40 | 17% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Laxborre | 31 | 0.0416 |
| #2 | George T. Reginald Waldridge | 15 | 0.0336 |
| #3 | Drexer | 14 | 0.0289 |
| #4 | silo | 12 | 0.0128 |
| #5 | LVTDGB m/40 | 1 | 0.0079 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Drexer | 131 | 0.27 | 3 min |
| #2 | Laxborre | 104 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #3 | silo | 86 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | George T. Reginald Waldridge | 27 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #5 | LVTDGB m/40 | 17 | 0.13 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Drexer | +3.95 | 79 | 47 |
| #2 | silo | +3.25 | 89 | 20 |
| #3 | Jämsä | -0.14 | 47 | 21 |
| #4 | DJ Jazzman | -0.29 | 67 | 40 |
| #5 | Laxborre | -0.67 | 72 | 21 |





