








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 136 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Premier | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
888 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,310 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 752 | 57% |
| Smokes | 265 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 86 | 7% |
| Molotovs | 207 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $230,251 of utility $156 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 88 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Jämsä | 33% | 24 |
| #5 | Feels Good Man | 25% | 4 |
| #6 | George T. Reginald Waldridge | 25% | 20 |
| #7 | Laxborre | 22% | 23 |
| #8 | LVTDGB m/40 | 0% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Laxborre | 25 | 0.0576 |
| #2 | silo | 14 | 0.0199 |
| #3 | George T. Reginald Waldridge | 10 | 0.0265 |
| #4 | Jämsä | 5 | 0.0101 |
| #5 | DJ Jazzman | 1 | 0.0024 |





