








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 29 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
110 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 270 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 127 | 47% |
| Smokes | 28 | 10% |
| HE Grenades | 71 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 44 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $38,958 of utility $66 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | silo | 33% | 12 |
| #2 | Feels Good Man | 29% | 7 |
| #3 | DJ Jazzman | 23% | 13 |
| #4 | Laxborre | 20% | 10 |
| #5 | George T. Reginald Waldridge | 20% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DJ Jazzman | 26 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #2 | silo | 22 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| #3 | Drexer | 22 | 0.27 | 1 min |
| #4 | George T. Reginald Waldridge | 19 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | Laxborre | 18 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Drexer | +5.26 | 83 | 43 |
| #2 | silo | +4.45 | 89 | 19 |
| #3 | Jämsä | +1.56 | 62 | 20 |
| #4 | DJ Jazzman | +0.17 | 75 | 48 |
| #5 | Laxborre | -0.56 | 61 | 29 |





