








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 108 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
169 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 69 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 15 | 22% |
| Smokes | 31 | 45% |
| HE Grenades | 7 | 10% |
| Molotovs | 16 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $76,281 of utility $49 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 18 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | woodle | 55% | 22 |
| #2 | Lenard is Feces | 50% | 12 |
| #3 | Secret Albatross | 42% | 55 |
| #4 | swshbclr | 40% | 10 |
| #5 | Garrison | 38% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Secret Albatross | 6 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | Garrison | 2 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | Kennyw124 | 2 | 0.0073 |
| #4 | fake-nut baby | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | Lenard is Feces | 1 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Garrison | 102 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #2 | Kennyw124 | 28 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #3 | fake-nut baby | 20 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| #4 | Secret Albatross | 20 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #5 | swshbclr | 20 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Garrison | +5.38 | 63 | 66 |
| #2 | Secret Albatross | +3.97 | 69 | 47 |
| #3 | Kennyw124 | +2.57 | 62 | 47 |
| #4 | swshbclr | +2.43 | 63 | 57 |
| #5 | fake-nut baby | +2.42 | 68 | 39 |





