










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 45 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
140 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 996 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 102 | 10% |
| Smokes | 314 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 311 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 269 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $189,637 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 33 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lenard is Feces | 46% | 13 |
| #2 | woodle | 41% | 22 |
| #3 | Secret Albatross | 40% | 52 |
| #4 | Bestie | 37% | 27 |
| #5 | fake-nut baby | 37% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Secret Albatross | 40% | 52 |
| #4 | Bestie | 37% | 27 |
| #5 | fake-nut baby | 37% | 30 |
| #6 | Garrison | 29% | 17 |
| #7 | Sting Ray Robb A.J. Foyt | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Secret Albatross | 4 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | woodle | 3 | 0.0069 |
| #3 | Lenard is Feces | 3 | 0.0123 |
| #4 | Bestie | 2 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | Garrison | 2 | 0.0059 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Garrison | 66 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #2 | Secret Albatross | 18 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #3 | Lenard is Feces | 8 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #4 | fake-nut baby | 4 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| #5 | woodle | 2 | 0.00 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Garrison | +3.68 | 75 | 67 |
| #2 | Secret Albatross | +3.27 | 75 | 48 |
| #3 | fake-nut baby | +1.48 | 75 | 40 |
| #4 | Lenard is Feces | +0.44 | 42 | 35 |
| #5 | woodle | -1.57 | 66 | 24 |





