








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 147 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2696 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,923 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2421 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2520 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2265 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1717 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $542,068 of utility $75 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NELKA | 53% | 32 |
| #2 | 1stPatrickH | 53% | 19 |
| #3 | d1nkzxje | 51% | 141 |
| #4 | PUSSINNI SHUSHINNI | 51% | 110 |
| #5 | Evis1 | 50% | 82 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hakuna Matata | 38 | 0.0120 |
| #2 | d1nkzxje | 24 | 0.0084 |
| #3 | Evis1 | 11 | 0.0066 |
| #4 | BALDWIN IV | 10 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | PUSSINNI SHUSHINNI | 10 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | d1nkzxje | 552 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #2 | BALDWIN IV | 398 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #3 | PUSSINNI SHUSHINNI | 244 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #4 | pHyx | 233 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #5 | Evis1 | 228 | 0.14 | 3 min |





