










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 38 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
102 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 54 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 0 | 0% |
| Smokes | 8 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 9 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 37 | 69% |
Our logs show you have wasted $31,036 of utility $32 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 6 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Osulf I of Bamburgh | 50% | 4 |
| #2 | king benny | 31% | 16 |
| #3 | NLSN | 27% | 30 |
| #4 | BryceSmokesRocks | 25% | 4 |
| #5 | MGT | 25% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | sofi | 12% | 17 |
| #11 | Grongoid Peterson | 0% | 3 |
| #12 | hannah | 0% | 3 |
| #13 | adeer | 0% | 4 |
| #14 | Jcc | 0% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MGT | 4 | 0.0235 |
| #2 | washed little piss baby | 2 | 0.0103 |
| #3 | king benny | 1 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | Garlicshale | 1 | 0.0053 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | starch | 93 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #2 | ssʇnuפNO˥ | 69 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #3 | NLSN | 26 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | king benny | 26 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #5 | adeer | 24 | 0.30 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | adeer | +8.58 | 80 | 56 |
| #2 | MGT | +6.47 | 89 | 56 |
| #3 | Osulf I of Bamburgh | +6.31 | 85 | 56 |
| #4 | king benny | +3.40 | 67 | 58 |
| #5 | NLSN | +2.10 | 63 | 61 |





