








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 99 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
420 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,252 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 264 | 21% |
| Smokes | 219 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 533 | 43% |
| Molotovs | 236 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $265,580 of utility $178 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 216 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | LeoRose | 21% | 29 |
| #9 | Osulf I of Bamburgh | 17% | 6 |
| #10 | BOB | 17% | 6 |
| #11 | starch | 16% | 19 |
| #12 | sofi | 8% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Garlicshale | 5 | 0.0147 |
| #2 | MGT | 4 | 0.0263 |
| #3 | washed little piss baby | 3 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | king benny | 2 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | Quesito | 2 | 0.0070 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | starch | 76 | 0.22 | 1 min |
| #2 | king benny | 49 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #3 | Quesito | 43 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #4 | washed little piss baby | 33 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | NLSN | 28 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MGT | +8.05 | 91 | 55 |
| #2 | Osulf I of Bamburgh | +5.31 | 78 | 53 |
| #3 | king benny | +2.56 | 70 | 57 |
| #4 | Quesito | +2.45 | 87 | 54 |
| #5 | NLSN | +2.43 | 63 | 61 |





