








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 887 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 276 matches | ||
| Faceit | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3704 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,144 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 698 | 14% |
| Smokes | 247 | 5% |
| HE Grenades | 2241 | 44% |
| Molotovs | 1958 | 38% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,448,297 of utility $166 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 688 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BOB | 54% | 28 |
| #2 | majunga | 52% | 29 |
| #3 | HighJayster | 50% | 28 |
| #4 | Cynikly | 50% | 36 |
| #5 | king benny | 46% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #14 | starch | 32% | 66 |
| #15 | Jcc | 31% | 36 |
| #16 | washed little piss baby | 30% | 67 |
| #17 | kushroom | 24% | 21 |
| #18 | Elton John's Schlong | 23% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Quesito | 321 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #2 | adeer | 280 | 0.29 | 6 min |
| #3 | starch | 274 | 0.20 | 6 min |
| #4 | Cynikly | 240 | 0.29 | 7 min |
| #5 | Osulf I of Bamburgh | 202 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cynikly | +4.88 | 74 | 71 |
| #2 | HighJayster | +4.07 | 73 | 53 |
| #3 | BOB | +2.40 | 75 | 63 |
| #4 | adeer | +2.03 | 79 | 53 |
| #5 | Osulf I of Bamburgh | +1.87 | 74 | 46 |





