








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 7 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
857 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,620 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 660 | 25% |
| Smokes | 866 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 521 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 573 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $325,416 of utility $192 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Itchy Urethra | 71% | 14 |
| #2 | TurtleBurgre | 67% | 6 |
| #3 | Automat0n^G | 54% | 13 |
| #4 | xHoat | 53% | 17 |
| #5 | Galilee | 51% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | xHoat | 53% | 17 |
| #5 | Galilee | 51% | 41 |
| #6 | Ave | 50% | 6 |
| #7 | RacoonCum | 40% | 25 |
| #8 | Bit Puthy | 33% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Automat0n^G | 3 | 0.0145 |
| #2 | Galilee | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | Itchy Urethra | 1 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | xHoat | 1 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | RacoonCum | 116 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #2 | Galilee | 56 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #3 | xHoat | 50 | 0.23 | 1 min |
| #4 | Automat0n^G | 50 | 0.24 | 1 min |
| #5 | Itchy Urethra | 40 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Automat0n^G | +3.07 | 85 | 61 |
| #2 | Itchy Urethra | +2.52 | 73 | 60 |
| #3 | Galilee | +1.88 | 61 | 48 |
| #4 | xHoat | +1.37 | 85 | 45 |
| #5 | TurtleBurgre | +0.82 | 79 | 75 |





