








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 595 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 276 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2951 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,450 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4420 | 39% |
| Smokes | 2363 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 2105 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 2562 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,323,909 of utility $168 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 18 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | phoun | 52% | 21 |
| #2 | Lord Vader | 42% | 194 |
| #3 | Wustin | 39% | 36 |
| #4 | Sike Maverino | 39% | 70 |
| #5 | KDsBurner | 38% | 287 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | UNCLE NOOOO | 19 | 0.0210 |
| #2 | Lord Vader | 18 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | XrobocurlZx | 15 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | KDsBurner | 10 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | CEOofCocaine | 7 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lord Vader | 665 | 0.16 | 18 min |
| #2 | KDsBurner | 363 | 0.06 | 10 min |
| #3 | XrobocurlZx | 267 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #4 | UNCLE NOOOO | 173 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #5 | Sike Maverino | 106 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | UNCLE NOOOO | +4.89 | 87 | 50 |
| #2 | Lord Vader | +3.66 | 69 | 58 |
| #3 | phoun | +2.92 | 77 | 41 |
| #4 | mattywatty | +1.65 | 61 | 65 |
| #5 | Wustin | +1.02 | 68 | 41 |





