








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 215 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
602 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,499 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 642 | 43% |
| Smokes | 304 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 460 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 93 | 6% |
Our logs show you have wasted $259,546 of utility $234 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 55 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | WOLFSEGGS | 57% | 35 |
| #8 | Vortal | 54% | 13 |
| #9 | ThrashMachine | 50% | 6 |
| #10 | b_mbyz | 48% | 48 |
| #11 | Tosha | 29% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | b_mbyz | 5 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | WOLFSEGGS | 5 | 0.0074 |
| #3 | Pastrysal | 4 | 0.0149 |
| #4 | Tosha | 1 | 0.0070 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | b_mbyz | 257 | 0.28 | 7 min |
| #2 | WOLFSEGGS | 91 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | Pastrysal | 36 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | ThrashMachine | 24 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #5 | Vortal | 22 | 0.09 | 1 min |





