








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
334 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,091 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 250 | 23% |
| Smokes | 200 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 320 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 321 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $56,552 of utility $33 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xo davis | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | Goomba | 59% | 54 |
| #3 | xJamz | 58% | 33 |
| #4 | Jameis Winston | 51% | 43 |
| #5 | Dxlph | 49% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | xJamz | 58% | 33 |
| #4 | Jameis Winston | 51% | 43 |
| #5 | Dxlph | 49% | 55 |
| #6 | Bill Nye The Tampa Guy | 40% | 30 |
| #7 | andy | 36% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jameis Winston | 7 | 0.0078 |
| #2 | Goomba | 6 | 0.0052 |
| #3 | Dxlph | 3 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | xJamz | 2 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dxlph | 111 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #2 | Bill Nye The Tampa Guy | 71 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #3 | Goomba | 34 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #4 | Jameis Winston | 25 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | xJamz | 14 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Goomba | +3.95 | 79 | 53 |
| #2 | Dxlph | +2.46 | 56 | 62 |
| #3 | Jameis Winston | +1.61 | 60 | 37 |
| #4 | xo davis | +0.51 | 64 | 21 |
| #5 | Bill Nye The Tampa Guy | +0.06 | 63 | 54 |





