








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 74 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 265 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2625 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,241 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 826 | 11% |
| Smokes | 2008 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2886 | 40% |
| Molotovs | 1521 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $579,143 of utility $73 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 117 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ThePhantomReaper | 57% | 23 |
| #2 | Bill Nye The Tampa Guy | 53% | 55 |
| #3 | Goomba | 52% | 275 |
| #4 | Apiheimer | 51% | 43 |
| #5 | Dxlph | 49% | 284 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Apiheimer | 51% | 43 |
| #5 | Dxlph | 49% | 284 |
| #6 | xJamz | 48% | 220 |
| #7 | andy | 48% | 44 |
| #8 | Beanie | 47% | 92 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Goomba | 16 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | Dxlph | 11 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | xJamz | 4 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | Beanie | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | andy | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dxlph | 566 | 0.09 | 12 min |
| #2 | xJamz | 275 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #3 | Goomba | 150 | 0.03 | 4 min |
| #4 | Beanie | 122 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #5 | Bill Nye The Tampa Guy | 76 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Goomba | +1.81 | 73 | 55 |
| #2 | Dxlph | +1.78 | 67 | 63 |
| #3 | ThePhantomReaper | +0.61 | 66 | 45 |
| #4 | Jameis Winston | +0.10 | 59 | 37 |
| #5 | Beanie | -0.38 | 67 | 55 |





