








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 10 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 117 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 12 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 5 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
730 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,300 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 71 | 3% |
| Smokes | 1377 | 60% |
| HE Grenades | 75 | 3% |
| Molotovs | 777 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $70,159 of utility $26 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | angebahia | 64% | 11 |
| #4 | ✪ dotcom | 61% | 18 |
| #5 | rUiizy | 60% | 48 |
| #6 | Askehraz | 59% | 97 |
| #7 | B. | 45% | 76 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Askehraz | 20 | 0.0106 |
| #2 | B. | 9 | 0.0059 |
| #3 | zarheksA | 7 | 0.0265 |
| #4 | rUiizy | 4 | 0.0042 |
| #5 | angebahia | 3 | 0.0133 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rUiizy | 24 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #2 | B. | 23 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #3 | Askehraz | 22 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| #4 | ✪ dotcom | 17 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #5 | angebahia | 9 | 0.04 | 0 min |





