








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 413 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 524 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




55 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5622 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 28,367 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 13450 | 47% |
| Smokes | 4568 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 5185 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 5164 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $268,166 of utility $21 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 963 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FatMan | 79% | 34 |
| #2 | Morgan Freeman The Semen Demon | 74% | 61 |
| #3 | Aykie | 72% | 123 |
| #4 | TheSpottedHyena | 68% | 234 |
| #5 | pass the awp | 67% | 325 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | O-Blivius | 63% | 32 |
| #7 | Kweezy_ZA | 60% | 77 |
| #8 | Matty | 57% | 86 |
| #9 | Sammy the Shifting Spanner | 56% | 389 |
| #10 | F/s | 51% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sammy the Shifting Spanner | 70 | 0.0084 |
| #2 | pass the awp | 41 | 0.0058 |
| #3 | Matty | 20 | 0.0100 |
| #4 | TheSpottedHyena | 14 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | Aykie | 9 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sammy the Shifting Spanner | 2842 | 0.34 | 61 min |
| #2 | TheSpottedHyena | 627 | 0.13 | 15 min |
| #3 | pass the awp | 349 | 0.05 | 7 min |
| #4 | Kweezy_ZA | 274 | 0.17 | 9 min |
| #5 | Morgan Freeman The Semen Demon | 268 | 0.21 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Aykie | +3.75 | 88 | 51 |
| #2 | pass the awp | +2.84 | 77 | 52 |
| #3 | O-Blivius | +2.65 | 78 | 77 |
| #4 | Morgan Freeman The Semen Demon | +2.08 | 80 | 65 |
| #5 | FatMan | +1.82 | 79 | 58 |





