








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1822 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 499 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 212 matches | ||
| Wingman | 154 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 123 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 92 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 89 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 17 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 24 different maps





Our logs show 221 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




52 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
11572 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 40,254 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10373 | 26% |
| Smokes | 9490 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 13245 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 7146 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,399,215 of utility $147 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5813 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NDY | 28 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | Fuckenmann | 22 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | MichaelAirS | 20 | 0.0054 |
| #4 | m0rkus | 18 | 0.0068 |
| #5 | GameConductor | 17 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GameConductor | 960 | 0.21 | 25 min |
| #2 | NDY | 789 | 0.09 | 19 min |
| #3 | sharkTARES | 714 | 0.22 | 20 min |
| #4 | MichaelAirS | 671 | 0.18 | 17 min |
| #5 | m0rkus | 620 | 0.23 | 17 min |





