








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 147 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2116 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,565 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 973 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1340 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1363 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 889 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,080,198 of utility $151 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 52 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MichaelAirS | 69% | 35 |
| #2 | ♿feaR | 67% | 30 |
| #3 | GameConductor | 60% | 30 |
| #4 | sharkTARES | 59% | 27 |
| #5 | NDY | 53% | 114 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MichaelAirS | 8 | 0.0112 |
| #2 | Fuckenmann | 7 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | dNS' | 7 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | NDY | 5 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | GameConductor | 5 | 0.0080 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dNS' | 395 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #2 | NDY | 223 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #3 | MichaelAirS | 193 | 0.27 | 6 min |
| #4 | v1olenT | 169 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | GameConductor | 145 | 0.23 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MichaelAirS | +6.48 | 87 | 71 |
| #2 | GameConductor | +5.97 | 81 | 81 |
| #3 | NDY | +3.37 | 75 | 61 |
| #4 | sharkTARES | +2.47 | 73 | 69 |
| #5 | dNS' | +1.52 | 64 | 63 |





