








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 161 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 92 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1302 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,180 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 749 | 24% |
| Smokes | 826 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 779 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 826 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $356,079 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 83 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kanxss | 60% | 15 |
| #2 | chipohippo | 56% | 18 |
| #3 | TheHero™ | 47% | 47 |
| #4 | Pilsner | 44% | 9 |
| #5 | p4905 | 44% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | TheHero™ | 47% | 47 |
| #4 | Pilsner | 44% | 9 |
| #5 | p4905 | 44% | 34 |
| #6 | ward | 41% | 34 |
| #7 | [EQ]TheObviousWulf | 41% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ward | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | p4905 | 2 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | [EQ]TheObviousWulf | 2 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | TheHero™ | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheHero™ | 205 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #2 | p4905 | 149 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #3 | [EQ]TheObviousWulf | 83 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | Kanxss | 67 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #5 | Pilsner | 47 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Davo2Trappy | +1.59 | 89 | 51 |
| #2 | TheHero™ | +1.01 | 89 | 73 |
| #3 | chipohippo | +0.17 | 88 | 60 |
| #4 | p4905 | -0.81 | 71 | 62 |
| #5 | [EQ]TheObviousWulf | -0.84 | 64 | 54 |





