








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2017 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 441 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 151 matches | ||
| Faceit | 108 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 78 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 23 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 499 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




169 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
11170 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 37,815 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10069 | 27% |
| Smokes | 10393 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 9068 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 8285 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,467,135 of utility $154 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2794 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Foxxy | 49% | 167 |
| #11 | _I_LIKE_PIE_ | 48% | 132 |
| #12 | Socks | 47% | 420 |
| #13 | aerw1ck | 47% | 197 |
| #14 | 𝒜𝓃𝒾𝓂𝒶𝓁·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.-> | 44% | 207 |





