








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 26 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 136 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1013 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,888 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 891 | 31% |
| Smokes | 1191 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 401 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 405 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $857,318 of utility $212 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 171 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Scheffler | 51% | 96 |
| #2 | STICKBANNASS | 48% | 61 |
| #3 | llama | 47% | 32 |
| #4 | SteveSarkesian | 46% | 167 |
| #5 | gravybeck | 42% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | STICKBANNASS | 48% | 61 |
| #3 | llama | 47% | 32 |
| #4 | SteveSarkesian | 46% | 167 |
| #5 | gravybeck | 42% | 45 |
| #6 | Shake'N Bake | 42% | 64 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SteveSarkesian | 13 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | Scheffler | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | llama | 3 | 0.0044 |
| #4 | STICKBANNASS | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | gravybeck | 2 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SteveSarkesian | 328 | 0.09 | 11 min |
| #2 | STICKBANNASS | 300 | 0.22 | 9 min |
| #3 | Scheffler | 166 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #4 | Shake'N Bake | 108 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | llama | 95 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SteveSarkesian | +3.25 | 67 | 47 |
| #2 | Scheffler | +0.95 | 66 | 37 |
| #3 | llama | +0.02 | 41 | 61 |
| #4 | STICKBANNASS | -1.12 | 18 | 69 |
| #5 | Graig | -1.69 | 42 | 41 |





