












System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 20 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
616 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 124 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 12 | 10% |
| Smokes | 48 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 30 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 34 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $40,359 of utility $18 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Graig | 42% | 45 |
| #2 | SteveSarkesian | 39% | 72 |
| #3 | Shake'N Bake | 38% | 48 |
| #4 | Scheffler | 37% | 19 |
| #5 | llama | 14% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Graig | 42% | 45 |
| #2 | SteveSarkesian | 39% | 72 |
| #3 | Shake'N Bake | 38% | 48 |
| #4 | Scheffler | 37% | 19 |
| #5 | llama | 14% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SteveSarkesian | 11 | 0.0074 |
| #2 | Shake'N Bake | 3 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | Graig | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Scheffler | 1 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Graig | 99 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #2 | SteveSarkesian | 88 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #3 | Shake'N Bake | 52 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | Scheffler | 51 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | llama | 29 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SteveSarkesian | +3.05 | 69 | 38 |
| #2 | Scheffler | +0.93 | 74 | 39 |
| #3 | ![]() gravybeck | -0.94 | 46 | 7 |
| #4 | llama | -1.98 | 49 | 62 |
| #5 | Graig | -2.35 | 26 | 38 |






